Let me go back in time and start with a little history of who I am and where I've been.
I was born the 7th child to my mother and the 8th child to my father. My mother had been married before my dad and she had 2 other daughters and 4 sons. My father had been married twice before and I had 6 sisters from those unions, the one son he had had was still born. I was not planned , by my parents, and was quite a shock as my mom was 42 and my dad, 50. They may not have expected me, but God did.
They were great parents, and according to my siblings, completely different with me than with any of them. I guess that's what they mean about the baby being spoiled :)~
I started school in a Fundementalist Baptist Church and School. I attended "Faith Baptist" from Kindergarden until the middle of 7th grade. I also attended the church and Sunday school. My parents, especially my dad, were not religious people. I don't ever remember my dad even stepping foot on the church and school property, and it was a rariety for my mom to do so. But I know that my mother loved God, and I believe she was saved, and so did my pastor. My dad, however, as long as he meant it when I begged him to ask Jesus into his heart and he finally agreed, then I know that I'll see him again one day!
Although my roots were pretty solid in the faith, I ran from this at an early age. My dad had passed when I was 8 years old and my mom went home when I was 12. I rebelled. I began to drink, smoke cigarettes, smoke weed, have sex, party, you name it. I wanted to run as far away from God as I possibly could. He wouldn't let me though.
After my sister decided that I was too much to handle ( and she was the only one that I knew where she was and was able to take me in ) I went to live with a friend from Faith Baptist. Those next 5 years were horrible! The emotional abuse that I endured pushed me even further away from God because these people were pure hypocrites, but while being hypocrites, I was still made to go to church, so even though I hated it, His Word was still getting through. And I even enjoyed one church that I went to. I was engaged to a future youth minister ( I messed that relationship up! ) and I began my own Bible study at school ( now a public school )
I was 17 and finally out on my own when I left the church ( we had now switched churches too ) and vowed to never come back. Again, this was due to the hypocracy of the church in general, and my very bad experiances with it. And I held true to this declaration for many years. I became involved in Wicca, which is a pagan religion that I really thought was ok. I had long since told God that I didn't want to run from Him, but His church. I figured that as long as I didn't deny God, then being wiccan was okay.
I had rationalized this and justified this over and over in my mind. I basically rationalized my way through wicca for more than 10 years.
**During those horrible 5 years of teenage-hood, I had made bestfriends with the girl next door and her parents became like my own parents. I got to go on family vacations with them and really felt like I belonged. ( I believe God had made sure of this ) And during that time, I also lost touch with most of the biological family I had - it didn't help that my brothers were famous for thier drinking, drugs and lies. So now, when I refer to my 'mom' or my 'dad', I am speaking of the adoptive parents who got me through adolesence.**
My mom never gave up on me. She had long since re-found the Lord and began her walk with Him, and she continued to try and talk to me about what I was doing and where I was headed. Eventually she got me into church and the rest, as they say, is history. Or is it?
My walk has never been easy, or quick. I had no idea what I was doing, I was lost and I was hungry. Having been raised Fundamental Baptist, I was in shock when I saw people dancing, shouting, lifting hands and praising. What were these nutballs doing and why was I still here?? I often watched or listened wide-eyed as I compared some of the things I saw and heard with things I learned on my pagan walk. Over time I learned how God was the source of these things and they had been twisted into what I had known. I began to learn a lot about the Lord and I began to walk closer with Him, but I was still very much dependant on others ( namely my mom ) to help me stay on track.
I fell off "track" more times than I can count. I went back to the flesh and the world so many times! But do you know what the wonderful thing is?? God forgave me and took me back EVERY TIME!!! He is more loving and gracious than the best parent that you can think of. He is more faithful than even the sun, even when we aren't. He is ALWAYS there, it is not He who gets lost, but us. All we have to do is reach out to Him, call to Him and He will answer us, and bring us home. Isn't that wonderful???
Anyhow, there's quite a bit that I'm leaving out, but you get the jest. Amazing Grace - how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! I am now listening, watching and waiting upon the Lord. I want to continue to share my hopes, dreams, inspired insights, and God's plans with my life, right here in my journal. I do hope that you come back and see what unfolds! You can also find me through Yuwie.com, check it out , and if you join under me, please be sure to also join my club : Prayer Chain.
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